Hard-Off (2015)




















My Dad Says That's For Pussies lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Fuck Guns 'N' Roses without Slash
A real man never uses hair product unless he's black
Toilet Paper is for queers
Gargling after a blowjob is how they make light beer

You can't have no fun with an unloaded gun
My Dad says that's for pussies

Ain't gonna lift the seat to whizz
Just 'cos it's called Men's Gymnastics doesn't mean it is
This Fairtrade coffee tastes like gay
Now seems like a good time to out Matthew McConaughey

You can't have no fun with an unloaded gun
My Dad says that's for pussies

Libraries, back-up parachutes and the Versailles Treaty
Seatbelts, hurricane warnings and anti-freeze
Rogaine, helmets, CPR and Kenny G
Wheelchairs, Ghandi, rehab, braille and harmonies

John Wayne would never use a surge protector!

You can't have no fun with an unloaded gun
My Dad says that's for pussies
[x2]

You can't have no fun with an unloaded gun
My Dad says, my Dad says
My Dad says that's for pussies

Dimes lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Where to begin?
They call me tropical storm Jim
Here's your really local forecast, there's a warm front moving in
Pin drop, yeah you heard it when I moon walked in the room
While around the water cooler at the Legion of Doom
They're shouting
"Why's the new guy with the sweet moves talking that smack?"
Well I'm the kind of crazy made from the shit of a bat
I swing like hell but know full well that I won't win the fight
But big man I'm the beta male that's gonna ruin your night

My rhymes score dimes ain't nothing you can do
It's hard to clap with your dick in your hand dude
I write the songs that girls like to dance to
I write the songs that girls like to dance to

I write the songs that girls like to dance to
I write the songs that girls like to dance to

What? Who me? Who am I? Well I'm just awesome
Like watching someone else getting kicked in the balls and DJs hit pause when I waltz in
My thoughts enthrall crowds for hours and it would come at no surprise if I had magical powers, poof
Buy me beers, cheers. Here's to blood, sweat and tears for fears
Yes I get stupid like a baby with pierced ears
So drop me like them panties drop when I drop knowledge
Danger was my middle name but I changed it in college

My rhymes score dimes ain't nothing you can do
It's hard to clap with your dick in your hand dude
I write the songs that girls like to dance to
I write the songs that girls like to dance to

My rhymes score dimes ain't nothing you can do
It's hard to clap with your dick in your hand dude
I write the songs that girls like to dance to
I write the songs that girls like to dance to

I write the songs that girls like to dance to
I write the songs that girls like to dance to

Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat

Make them disco panties wet

Turn on a dime with a rhyme so quick
Get stuck in her head like porn star dick
Turn on a dime with a rhyme so quick
Get stuck in her head like porn star dick

Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Turn on a dime with a rhyme so quick
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Get stuck in her head like porn star dick
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Turn on a dime with a rhyme so quick
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Make them motherfuckers sweat
Get stuck in her head like porn star dick

American Bitches lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Raise your hand if you like American bitches
Locked in girl on girl kisses
Well, I do

You're just mad you can't score American bitches
So you're blowing up shit, which
Just goes to prove

That eighteen year old bombs are dynamite
Yes, eighteen year old bombs are dynamite

(What kind of a man sits Indian style?)

Camping with your bros, as your playoff beard grows
Ain't gonna get your whack ass laid
Camping with your bros, as your playoff beard grows
Ain't gonna get your whack ass laid

Trust me holmes, you would kill for American bitches
And the freedom of tits if
You only knew, who who

That eighteen year old bombs are dynamite
Yes, eighteen year old bombs are dynamite

(What kind of a man sits Indian style?)

Camping with your bros, as your playoff beard grows
Ain't gonna get your whack ass laid
Camping with your bros, as your playoff beard grows
Ain't gonna get your whack ass laid

Come to Infidelphia
And fall in love with the unholy
My boy knows this stripper that looks just like Angelina Jolie

Just
Don't bring up
What that club
You belong to does
Dungeons & Dragons

Camping with your bros, as your playoff beard grows
Ain't gonna get your whack ass laid
Camping with your bros, as your playoff beard grows
Ain't gonna get your whack ass laid

Where I come from bras are booby traps
And soft targets have a bikini wax
Where I come from bras are booby traps
And soft targets have a bikini wax
Where I come from bras are booby traps
And soft targets have a bikini wax
Where I come from bras are booby traps
And soft targets have a bikini wax

Chew Toy lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Woah-Oh-oh,
Woah-Oh-oh.
[x4]

Can't by love so let's just make it.
Jealous of your dog cause he's seen you naked.
I'll sniff your rear, if I get my paws on ya.
Think that's weird? Wait till you hear how we're gonna
Role play, The Color Purple, do shit you'd read in Trent Reznor's journal.
Fuck to the sound of a zombie choir, till your private parts look like they've been in a fire.
Turned on, but it feels so wrong, like when you relate to a NickelBack song.
Inhibition is gone with the blinds drawn, but you don't mind doing it with the lights on.
Cause I bet the kind of love that you make to a man would look good as a mural on my uncles van.
He rents to own lend me his cologne, now I feel like a wolf with a saxophone.

You make me Looney Tunes,
I hallucinate.
When I see you,
I see steak.

Smirk, nod, wet my lips like when a black running-back knows how great he is.
With an amazing win, back in a stadium full of motherfuckers that regret trading him.
But I digress, Why's your dress not on the floor? Thighs and breasts make the best fried chicken but yours
Made the bucket list, don't know what the fuck that is, something like a dying wish.
Wish I was dying with you on top of me like a fraction.
A 10 that's over 18 can't do the math then, cram time, you got behind, let me school that butt like it's Columbine.
So fine, like Charlie Brown's hair. Out to get you over hear and in your underwear.
Hit that pussy at home, like a predator drone. Now I feel like a wolf with a saxophone.

You make me Looney Tunes,
I hallucinate.
When I see you,
I see steak.

My jaw hit the floor as someone played the trumpet.
Then my tongue rolled out, now ain't that some shit?
Heard a foghorn, then my heart popped out.
It was shaped like a heart, what the fuck is that about?

Woah-Oh-oh,
Woah-Oh-oh.
[x8]

You make me Looney Tunes,
I hallucinate.
When I see you,
I see steak.

Uncool As Me lyrics - Bloodhound Gang (feat. Joey Fatone)

I'm quite the sped, I never shred
Not cool
(Not cool)
But my bros all call me Itch
(With the silent B)
But that spells Bitch
(Fits you perfectly)
Chaz Bono dickbag, word fuck tick, not cool
(Not cool)
And I smell like regret and tequila
(What's that even mean?)
I have no idea
(You're livin' the dream)

Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see
in old Molly Ringwald movies
I think you're as uncool as me
Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see
in old Molly Ringwald movies
I think you're as uncool as me
And I dance!

They don't think you're all that cool
they like you for your step-dad's pool
They don't think you're all that cool,
but your vampire fiction rules

I'm such a tit, I say dumb shit
Not cool (Not cool)
And my friends think that I like men
(That's because you do)
Don't even listen to them
(No one's judging you)
John Goodman gut, slow kid haircut
Not cool (Not cool)
Do you like Renaissance fairs?
(Where'd you get that scarf?)
Tis what thy lord doth wear
(I'll be in the car)

Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see
in old Molly Ringwald movies
I think you're as uncool as me
Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see
in old Molly Ringwald movies
I think you're as uncool as me
And I dance!

They don't think you're all that cool,
they like you for your step-dad's pool
They don't think you're all that cool,
but your vampire fiction rules

Dancin' with myself, in the dark, on the ceiling
Dancin' with myself, in the dark, on the ceiling
And I dance!

They don't think you're all that cool,
they like you for your step-dad's pool.
They don't think you're all that cool,
but your vampire fiction rules

Let's go to Civil War reenactments
Throw some back and yell "too soon!" at them
Let's go to Civil War reenactments
Warning, spoiler alert!

Clean Up In Aisle Sexy lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Pucker up you pig
Kiss me like I hear they kiss
On oil rigs
(You know the drill)

Let's get third world
Me boy with one boom boom stick
And you girl
(If you open your mind)

Put me down
Draw blood
Like Mel Gibson taught you how
To make love

Let the kitty be unleashed
Drop me like an injured wildebeest

Clean up in aisle sexy
Clean up in aisle sexy
Clean up in aisle sexy

Shaka laka locked and loaded
Locked and loaded, locked and loaded
Shaka laka locked and loaded
Locked and loaded, locked and loaded
Shaka laka locked and loaded
Locked and loaded, locked and loaded
Shaka laka locked and loaded
Clean up in aisle sexy

Pirate hunt
Viking grasp
Positions learned in
Pol Pot's yoga class
(War crime sex)

Smell the friction
Like fine wine
Oakland Raiders locker-room
Sixty nine

Gettin' lucky
Then it hurts
Like a Wednesday's child at
Joan Crawford's

Missing link
Hardcore
Romance they don't even have
Words for
(Shane Crone got a space-whip)

Clean up in aisle sexy
Clean up in aisle sexy
Clean up in aisle sexy
Clean up in aisle sexy

Shaka laka locked and loaded
Locked and loaded, locked and loaded
Shaka laka locked and loaded
Locked and loaded, locked and loaded
Shaka laka locked and loaded
Locked and loaded, locked and loaded
Shaka laka locked and loaded
Clean up in aisle sexy

Gestapo no macht schnell
Treat me like there's no hell
Gestapo no macht schnell
Clean up in aisle sexy

Gestapo no macht schnell
Treat me like there's no hell
Gestapo no macht schnell
Clean up in aisle sexy

Gestapo no macht schnell
Treat me like there's no hell
Gestapo no macht schnell
Clean up in aisle sexy

Gestapo no macht schnell
Treat me like there's no hell
Gestapo no macht schnell
Clean up in aisle sexy

Diary Of A Stranger lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

I came from Düsseldorf, chased by the night.
You were a vision drenched, in neon light.
Longing and my sad eyes caught, your fleeting glance.
As chaos on the boulevard, stole our romance.

Barf into a toilet, full of the stranger’s diarrhea.
Barf into a toilet, full of the stranger’s diarrhea.

La connexion… lost.

Two. Ships. Passing in the night.
You. Shit. Then I ralphed up my fries.
But not just any old fries.
But French. Fries. Paris.

Whispers in foreign tongues, from the shadows.
Lead to a path of lies, my false hope chose.
Fooled again and yet I search, forever more.
My love will last 1,000 years, like this cold war.

Barf into a toilet, full of the stranger’s diarrhea
Barf into a toilet, full of the stranger’s diarrhea

La connexion… lost.

Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
Some people think it’s gross, but it’s really good on toast.
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
Some people think it’s funny, but it’s brown and hot and runny.

Shhhh.
She said.
Shhhh.

Barf into a toilet, full of the stranger’s diarrhea.
Barf into a toilet, full of the stranger’s diarrhea.

Hausgemachter Toilettensalat.

Think of the future we lost, the life we will never know.
Winter reminds me of you, as does a Sloppy Joe.
(Barf into a toilet) Think of the future we lost. (Barf into a toilet) The life we will never know.
(Barf into a toilet) Winter reminds me of you (Full of the stranger’s diarrhea).
Two ships, passing in the night.
You shit, then ralphed up my fries.
Two ships, passing in the night.
You shit. Panic.

Socially Awkward Penguin lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

What's the harm in going over just to say "Hello"
She is beautiful, you're a zombie from the Thriller video
Voice in my head, why do you sound like Billy Mays?
Not now Meatloaf, fights with no one scare girls away

[Hook:]
When she's dreaming about her Prince Charming tonight
I'll be eating hot wings with a bib on to his right
As Charles Barkley dodges the Death Star's laser beam
Don't ask me what that means
She's the one that's having this fucked up dream

Doesn't that cloud kind of look like Anna Nicole-Smith?
Good one genius, now she knows you're mildly retarded
Voice in my head, a pep talk right now would help a lot
Buy some flowers that only have 'She Loves Me Nots'

[Hook]

I thought that she was waving so I was waving back
Then I turned around and saw the shithead she was waving at
His tanning booth threw up on him, I pale in comparison
(He would think of something cool to say here)

Voice in my head, maybe there's no one for me out there
On the bright side you're gonna get really good at Solitaire

[Hook]

Think Outside The Box lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Playing star again on a steel horse
I ride anywhere I roam
With my eye on filling my palm
With a titty from a city where I'm strumming a song

Poorly but surely the next girl next door needs
To prove that she really does truly adore me
So horny at a bake and shake warning
Some fanner heynannernanner's getting hammered

Sore like a scene from a porno flick it seems
That the more hardcore my scheme she's keen
On banging her head like Slayer's playing in my lap
Till she looks like she's doing a Got Milk ad

Sounds bad but believe me any girl this easy
Has had more bands in her than CBGBs
If she needs me to meet her needs, she needs to stay awake
As her legs are the only thing that's open this late

But what kind of a slut would want to sleep with me
You've gotta be fucked up to want to sleep with me
When she gets her panties lower than her self-esteem
I'll show her what her mommy did that made her daddy leave

Ask not what your cunt can do for you
Ask what you can do for your cunt
[2x]

This all-access backstage pass is
Acting as an aphrodisiac with this
Floozie that laughs as she flashes her ass
And then asks for an autograph, that obviously practices
In front of a mirror, knees touching her ears
On all fours so much she gives her age in dog years
She's like a microphone cause she gets used by the singer
When you kiss her you're pretty much blowing Kip Winger

But what kind of a slut would want to sleep with me
You've gotta be fucked up to want to sleep with me
When she gets her panties lower than her self-esteem
I'll show her what her mommy did that made her daddy leave

Ask not what your cunt can do for you
Ask what you can do for your cunt
[2x]

Ask not what your cunt can do for you
Ask what you can do for your cunt
Stop giving them kittens away for free to creeps like me
[4x]

We're Gonna Bring The Party To You lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

Hold up, how do I look?
Fucked up like Bobby Brown's cheque book
Ozzy Osbourne stopped doing Mai-Tai-Chi
The type that made Diddy lose his P
Where we are is where the line begins
This ain't your Mom (not any dick gets in)
Then there's no way you'll get past her
She'll dress like an extra from a beer commercial

Here comes trouble, shut the front door
You need to not give a shit a little more
Tomorrow's not here and yesterday's gone
It's half past fuck it with the caps lock on

V-I-P between two bean diddlers
Fucking with them forties like Adolf Hitler
Retard and feathered, withdrawn and quartered
Hands in the air like we jumped the border
J-Lo rent's got something to show me
While her fat friend pretends that she doesn't know me
Do it for Johnny! Bring it home for Jerome!
Fuck them college girls like Stafford Loans

Here comes trouble, shut the front door
You need to not give a shit a little more
Tomorrow's not here and yesterday's gone
It's half past fuck it with the caps lock on

An asshole, why sure what's that?
What would Johnny Cash do?
We're gonna bring the party to you!
You'll be pissing someone else's blood before we're through
We're gonna bring the party to you!

Here comes trouble, shut the front door
You need to not give a shit a little more
Tomorrow's not here and yesterday's gone
It's half past fuck it with the caps lock on

An asshole, why sure what's that?
What would Johnny Cash do?
We're gonna bring the party to you!
You'll be pissing someone else's blood before we're through
We're gonna bring the party to you!

Up out on the roof, twist off the wine tops
Slow dance with girls as the Miami bass drops
Up out on the roof, twist off the wine tops
Slow dance with girls as the Miami bass drops

Here comes trouble, shut the front door
You need to not give a shit a little more
Tomorrow's not here and yesterday's gone
It's half past fuck it with the caps lock on
[x2]

It's half past fuck it with the caps lock on [x8]

Bumblebees lyrics - Bloodhound Gang

When bumblebees find out, what we call them.
There's going to be hell to pay.

Oh, you are still here.
Pick a number between 1 and 10.
Go ahead.
Interesting, you picked a 7.
Don't go changing your answer now.

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